Surrogates Movie Review

There's one moment in Surrogates that's so utterly fantastic, so face-meltingly awesome it represents everything we hold to be true as human beings, and if they just made this scene the movie it would win every award from Academy to Nobel AND it would unify nations to one global consciousness.

It involves Bruce Willis emerging from a room (after drinking some scotch, naturally) and beating the holy hell out of a laughing robot with his bare hands.

That image should be on flags. Alas, the rest of Surrogates isn't nearly as awesome as that brief moment. It starts off alright, but quickly becomes a warmed over stew of missed opportunities and movies (and chases) you've seen in the past, complete with unnecessarily convoluted plotting that's more obnoxious than clever and.

A "twist" I literally called during the opening credits. (It should be pretty obvious to anyone who's a sci-fi nerd. Or anyone who's ever read a science fiction story). It's pretty much a slightly dumber version of I, Robot, but with far less product placement.

Surrogates brings you up to speed in the opening credits, establishing the world of the Surrogate. Originally designed by James Cromwell to help paraplegics feel the sensation of walking again, the Surrogates quickly caught on by the general populous. People never leave their homes, secure in the control of robots they control around the cities. There is a resistance headed by Ving Rhames, who has the wonderful moniker of The Prophet. He and others live in designated safe havens for those who refuse to let robots do their living for them.

The movie begins with an attack on a Surrogate, which kills the user. (Unlike the Matrix, if terrible things happen to your Surrogate, it doesn't affect you in reality). This is a first, so the FBI is called in, which introduces us to a wonderfully wigged Bruce Willis. His Surrogate reflects a younger version of Bruce, but then we discover the Bruce we know and love: gruff, grizzled, and with a manly pate of shaved head, but a rockin' goatee.

Bruce Willis discovers things about the victim, who is the son of Cromwell's character. Apparently, the murder was meant to kill Cromwell for designing the surrogates, and they've developed a weapon that can kill users while they operate. It's up to Willis to find out who's behind everything, but complications arise later that force Bruce out of his shell and to become the man we love and worship.

The premise is kind of neat, and at first they have some fun with the details. I liked how it was close to the present day, yet everything was candy-colored. I liked how the Surrogates are user controlled, and there's no real threat of robotic uprising, although that should be the number one fear in this world. I liked the gag with the "legal team", and wished there was more explored around the idea that we don't know who the user of the Surrogate is, as a Surrogate allows you to be anybody. Sort of like anonymous commenting on the internet.

Hey, wait a minute, could this movie be making a point about how humans are spending too much time on the internet and socializing through machines instead of genuine human interaction?!?!

Alas, the movie makes that point, and that point alone. Where it could explore neat themes and ideas about this world, instead it settles into rote chase sequences and a need to complicate matters that sort of negate other plot threads. On top of this, the movie is filled with terrible old age make-up effects, an obscene amount of Dutch angles, and an intrusive score that verges on ridonkulous.

Still, I didn't hate the movie. I was mildly entertained, and Bruce Willis is pretty much good in anything these days. Ving Rhames was pretty decent, and James Cromwell now gets to claim the sci-fi nerd triple crown as he built these robots, the I, Robots AND created Warp drive with the assistance of Geordi LaForge. (He also trained Babe, too!) And if you ever wanted to see Rhada Mitchell utilize a parking meter as a spear as she throws it into a Prius that Bruce Willis is driving, you might even like this movie more than me.

But then again, I keep coming back to that one scene, and the amazement it provides. If and when the robots do rise up against us, I hope we can look at John McClane destroying metal with flesh. And I hope that inspires humanity to take things back. A boy can dream, can't he?